Covert Homophobia (my coming out story)

So June is just around the corner and I wanted to do something in order for the LGBT community , so this is my coming out story!

I first realised I was not straight when I was around 14 years old. In fact when I was 14 I had my first girlfriend that I liked and kissed so then I decided I identified as bi. Luckily enough I did have friends who were very accepting of me and in fact after I had come out a few of them came out of the closet along side me so I really felt supported and that I didn’t have to worry. However those were my friends and when it came to telling my parents, I didn’t tell them till almost a year later that I came out to my friends and in fact I didn’t even tell my dad because I was so scared of what he would say , so my mum told him and we have never had a convocation about it even after 3 years of me coming out.

By the time I told my mum I was gay I had already dated my first girlfriend and broken up with her after 6 months and had told all my friends I was bi. I remember exactly how I told my mum I was bi , we were in a car driving and I decided that it would be better blunt instead of metaphors like ‘I like tacos ‘ or ‘ I put the wheelie bins out at night’ (yes a genuine metaphor) . When I said ‘mum , I’m bi ‘ her first words (and words that will always stick with me ) were ‘ not your not’ . I’m not an emotional person, but even just remembering it , I start to cry because my mum was and is the closest thing to me and the fact that her response was no! Hurt me. My mum accepts me now and after a month of that conversation we had a proper conversation in my bedroom about why I felt like this and soon my mum came to like it and realise it was apart of me . She goes to gay pride with me and even joins in on gay jokes that I make or she makes about me (but not offensive jokes, just banter)

The reason this is called Covert Homophobia is because while I was coming out to the rest of my family or people in my school, I realised that some people didn’t accept the concept of me being gay , of course my family still loves me , but they don’t accept me . A good example of this are my loving 2 grandmas and some of my aunts. My lovely grandma who believes that the world can be cured by tea and is the cutest old lady ever, still believes that this is a phase and that I’m going to marry a man and have kids . My other adorable nan will not let me talk about my sexuality or if I have a girlfriend over dinner , yet my cousin can make out with her boyfriend while we eat. My aunt to this very day still asks me ‘are you sure?’. They still love me for me but they don’t accept me being gay , but they will never say that to my face and probably at my wedding while me or my future wife is walking down the aisle ,my aunt will probably lean into my ear and whisper ‘are you sure your gay?’. But that still doesn’t stop me from loving my family, it just annoys me because I could never bring it up that they are not okay with me being gay .

The only person who has been open with me is my uncle and I respect that. My uncle told me straight to my face that he is homophobic, but he still loves me for me. Even though that hurts and he doesn’t love me for me , I would prefer that then covert homophobia.

I now have new friends that accept I’m gay and a family that still loves me even though I’m gay but unfortunately I still don’t have a wife , also when I was 16 I found out that I wasn’t bi and I was lesbian so I had to re do the whole process of coming out to my family, but I wasn’t as nervous that time .

If you are gay and worried about coming out to your family, don’t be , because your family will still love you , they just may not be accepting but they wont disown you, and if they do , then that’s not that family because family is unconditional love no matter what and family does not mean blood . If your blood family wont accept you, then someone will , someone will always accept you. If your reading this and you have a family member that has come out the closet, then no matter what you point of view is on homosexuality , if they are bi , if they are trans , if they are pans , love them! because you could loose a niece or a nephew or a daughter or a son, forever.

Blood may be thicker then water, but water can be pretty damn thick.